Pardon us, but you missed out on Lara's birthday, motherf*ckers.

by Adam & Lara on 09/24/10

Oh hey there...long time, no talky. Thanks again for reading. We really do hate to be a bother, but just wanted to let you know that you missed out on the greatest f*cking birthday party celebration ever. So great that your stupid little American brains couldn't even begin to comprehend the grandiosity of it all.

True, Lara had a birthday. But you don't need a birthday when you look this f*cking fabulous. What you need is a camera. Adam had one. It was his birthday present from Lara last year.

Now we don't mean to be rude (yes we do) and while Lara greatly appreciates all the care packages, cards and well wishes sent from the States, if you really loved her, you would have been here in New Zealand in person to help her celebrate her special day. But since you weren't (lame), we'll give you a little glimpse into all the awesomeness you  missed out on while you were slaving away at your boring jobs counting down the hours til the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars.

After a long night of work for Lara and anticipatory pre-drinking on Adam's part, we unleashed on the streets/bars of Queenstown. Like any good birthday celebration, we don't entirely remember the evening, but thanks to photographic evidence, we were able to relive the debauchery the following morning over mimosas.

Looks like we had some Jager Bombs with Pat and Kim at Buffalo Club, the bar in town that you only go to if you want to get shitfaced.

Will (right) has a special card that gets him 2 for 1 Jager Bombs at Buffalo Club. Happy birthday to us, bitches.

 

Oh, and of course there was the grope-off.

At some point we were all dressed as angels and devils, even though we never bought any angel/devil costumes.

Fun was had by all, and we all woke up the next morning in extreme pain.

Dan probably had the hardest "I can't believe I did that" moment when he realized that he drunkely converted to Judaism. He'd like to forget about it, but we have picture proof. I mean, look - Satan is even there putting his arm around Dan and giving a thumbs up.

With all seriousness we feel really bad about how jealous we're making you right now. That's why we really hate to upset you with the fact that the next day Adam and all of Lara's coworkers threw a surprise party for her, motherf*ckers. What you gon' do about that? Sit there in your stupid non-suprise-party-having chairs and look at the rest of these pictures with greed and envy.

This picture is special - it's the one time during the surprise party that everyone was standing. The rest of the time we were slumped in chairs trying not to vomit Jager Bombs that we took 6 hours ago.

A gourmet cake was thawed especially for Lara's birthday.

 Only true friends/boyfriends will begrudgingly wear retarded looking accessories for you on your special day.

 Not surprisingly, Lara won the Party Girl award for the 28th birthday in a row.

And you missed it all, stupids.