Slaughter Park
by Adam & Lara on 03/25/10
In the states we do this thing called litigation where we blame other people for shit that we should have known better about. Hence, anything you do comes with a warning or disclaimer of some sort. And if what you're doing has any real potential to hurt you, you either have to sign a waiver beforehand and wear a helmet during.
There aren't nearly as many pants-shitters in New Zealand, and therefore they have not developed a culture around people suing each other. The result is that you do everything at your own risk.
That's why we weren't expecting the water slides at the Waiwera Infinity Thermal Spa to be so god damn painful. Granted the guidebook did describe them as "suicidal." But we thought they were just being cute. And granted the slides were made out of steel and bolted onto a giant rickety wooden tower with ripped, moldy carpet stapled to the floor. But we just thought they were being cute.
The second slide did the same thing, but dropped us in the pool from about 7 feet in the air.
Adam went down the third slide first, and in the final bend went airborne and slammed into the side. This made a loud noise, similar to the sound of slapping a wet side of beef against a 50 gallon drum. After hearing this Lara decided to take the stairs down. We passed on the 4th slide, which was gated and had a sign reading "If you want to ride this slide, please ask a lifeguard to unlock it."
When Adam was able to breathe again, he asked Lara where the closest movie theater was that was playing High School Musical 3 (standard Adam question). Good thing the "Movie Pool" happened to be running it at 4pm.
