You Got Blown, Chapter 1: We Got Shaved

by Adam & Lara on 05/13/10

Facial hair says many things about a man.

When shopping it says "do you have a flannel section?"  When eating it says "are you done with that?" When renting a DVD it says "anything with Chuck Norris, please." But when hunting for a job in Queenstown we found out that it means something along the lines of "I'll chase off your customers with a chainsaw and piss on your toilet seats."  And that's why when we got to Queenstown in mid-April Adam and Pat had no choice but to shave off their beards.

Adam and Pat's last stand took place in an RV park, a well-known place of congregation for bearded men (and women).

Unsure of what job they were looking for, Pat and Adam experimented with a smorgasbord of facial hair configurations, each suited for a different occupation:

The Man-delbar (plumber, Cardinals' backup catcher)

The Rust-Stache (truck driver, stay-at-home douchebag)

The Whirling Dervish (serial killer, mandolinist, World Beard and Mustache champion)

The My Name Is Earl (prime-time network TV celebrity, pedophile)

The Chaplin (slapstick silent film comedian, socialist tyrant)

But when the frenzy stopped and the hair clippings settled, both Adam and Pat opted for the clean-cut approach. Alas, a new beginning:

Pat finally becomes a likeable French-Canadian.  Adam tranforms from the molester to the molestee.